Grief counselling for children provides a safe, age-appropriate space where a child can process loss at their own pace, using play, art, talk and structured therapeutic techniques. In my 30 years of clinical work with families, I have seen that children grieve differently from adults, and they need support that meets them where they are developmentally.
When a child loses a parent, grandparent, sibling, friend or pet, the adults around them are often grieving too. That makes it genuinely difficult to hold space for a child’s questions, confusion and distress while managing your own. This is not a personal failing. It is simply the reality of loss in a family system, and it is one of the most common reasons parents bring their child to see us at Anna Cohen and Co.
How Children Grieve at Different Ages
Children do not grieve the way adults do. A young child may seem fine one moment and then fall apart over something apparently unrelated. Children process grief in waves. Toddlers and preschoolers (2 to 5 years) do not understand permanence and often express grief through regression (bedwetting, clinginess, changes in eating or sleeping); play therapy is particularly effective at this stage. Primary school children (6 to 11 years) understand death as permanent but struggle to make sense of it emotionally, sometimes becoming preoccupied with the physical details, worrying others they love will die too, or either withdrawing or acting out. Adolescents (12 and older) understand death intellectually but can be overwhelmed by the intensity of their emotions, often containing their grief to protect their parents, which can lead to shutdown, irritability, risk-taking or social withdrawal — which is where a therapist outside the family system becomes particularly valuable.
What Happens in a Grief Counselling Session
We begin with a parent session to understand the circumstances of the loss, how the family has been managing, what the child has been told and what changes you have noticed. Sessions with younger children are play-based — using sandplay, drawing, puppets and storytelling to externalise feelings. A child who cannot say “I am scared Mummy is going to die too” might build a sandtray scene that tells that exact story. With older children and adolescents, sessions involve more direct conversation alongside creative approaches; cognitive behavioural techniques help with the specific anxieties that often accompany grief, and we support the meaning-making process so the child can integrate the loss into their ongoing life story.
Signs Your Child May Need Professional Support
Not every grieving child needs therapy. I recommend seeking professional help if you notice:
- Persistent changes in behaviour lasting more than a few weeks (withdrawal, aggression, regression)
- Significant disruption to daily functioning — school refusal, inability to concentrate, loss of interest in activities
- Intense separation anxiety that was not present before the loss
- Repeated statements about wanting to die or be with the person who died
- Physical symptoms with no medical explanation (persistent stomach aches or headaches)
- The child seems “stuck” and unable to move through their grief over time
If you are unsure, it is always reasonable to book an initial consultation so an experienced clinician can assess the situation and give you honest guidance.
How Long Does Grief Counselling Take?
There is no fixed timeline. Some children benefit from six to eight sessions; others dealing with complex or traumatic grief may need longer-term support. Grief can also resurface at developmental milestones — a child who processed a loss at six may need additional support at twelve when they understand it differently. This is not a sign that therapy “did not work,” but that the child is encountering the loss from a new developmental perspective.
Supporting Your Child at Home
- Be honest and age-appropriate. Use clear, simple language; avoid euphemisms like “passed away” or “gone to sleep” with young children.
- Allow all feelings. Anger, confusion, guilt and relief are all normal parts of grief.
- Maintain routine. Predictability is deeply reassuring during upheaval.
- Share your own grief appropriately. It is healthy for children to see adults are sad too, though try not to lean on your child for emotional support.
- Create opportunities to remember. Memory boxes, photo albums or special rituals help children maintain a connection to the person they have lost.
Our Approach at Anna Cohen and Co
We have three locations across Sydney: Balmain, Waverley and Katoomba. Our team of over 25 practitioners includes clinicians who have a special interest in childhood grief and loss. We use evidence-based approaches including play therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy and family systems work to support children and their families through some of the most difficult experiences life presents. What I have learned across three decades is that children are remarkably resilient when given the right support — grief does not have to define a child’s story.
Book a consultation: Call 02 9555 1168 or visit annacohenandco.com.au/contact
