If your child is refusing to go to school, you already know that this is nothing like truancy. You are not dealing with a child who does not care about school. You are dealing with a child who is genuinely distressed, and mornings have become a battleground.
School refusal driven by anxiety is one of the most common and most distressing issues I see in my practice. It affects children across all ages, from kindergarten through to Year 12, and it can escalate quickly if it is not addressed early.
Why Children Refuse School
School refusal is a behaviour, not a diagnosis. It is driven by something underneath. The most common drivers are:
Anxiety: Separation anxiety, social anxiety, performance anxiety, or generalised worry about what might go wrong at school.
Bullying or social difficulties: Your child may not always tell you about peer problems. Some children would rather avoid school entirely than face social situations that feel unsafe or humiliating.
Learning difficulties: Children who are struggling academically, particularly with undiagnosed issues like dyslexia, ADHD or processing difficulties, may avoid school because it has become a place where they feel incompetent.
Sensory overload: For some children, particularly those who are neurodivergent, the noise, crowds, unpredictability and social demands of school are genuinely overwhelming.
A significant life event: Parental separation, a death in the family, a house move, or a new sibling can all trigger school refusal.
Depression: In older children and teenagers, withdrawal from school can be a sign of depression.
What to Do
1. Take it seriously from day one. The longer school refusal continues, the harder it becomes to reverse. Do not wait weeks to act.
2. Acknowledge the distress without enabling the avoidance. Your child’s fear is real. Validating that is important. But keeping them home because they are upset teaches their brain that avoidance works.
3. Work with the school. Contact your child’s teacher or school counsellor early. A collaborative approach between home and school is far more effective than either acting alone.
4. Look for the underlying cause. School refusal is a symptom. If you only address the behaviour without addressing the cause, it is likely to return.
5. Maintain routine as much as possible. Even on days your child does not attend school, keep the structure of a normal day. No screens during school hours. Schoolwork where possible. Normal bedtime.
6. Get professional support early. A clinical psychologist experienced in school refusal can assess what is driving the behaviour, develop a graded return-to-school plan, work directly with your child on coping strategies, and support you as parents.
At Anna Cohen and Co, we work with school-refusing children and their families across all age groups. Our psychologists use evidence-based approaches including CBT, exposure-based interventions and family therapy.
Book a consultation: 02 9555 1168 or visit annacohenandco.com.au/contact
Frequently Asked Questions
Is school refusal the same as truancy?
No. Truancy involves a child choosing to skip school without emotional distress. School refusal involves significant distress and anxiety about attending school. The two require very different responses.
How common is school refusal in Australia?
School refusal affects an estimated 1-5% of school-aged children at any given time, with peaks around school transition points. Rates have increased since 2020.
Should I force my child to go to school?
A graduated, supported return is more effective than forcing. Physically dragging a distressed child to school can increase their anxiety and damage trust. A graded exposure plan, developed with professional support, is the most effective approach.
Will my child be penalised for missing school?
Schools are generally understanding when parents are actively working with professionals to address school refusal. Communication with the school is key.
How long does it take to resolve school refusal?
Children with recent-onset school refusal often respond within 4-8 sessions of treatment plus a graded return plan. Long-standing school refusal can take longer. Early action consistently produces better outcomes.
